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ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND
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Lewis Carroll
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THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 2.9
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CHAPTER I
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Down the Rabbit-Hole
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Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister
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on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had
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peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no
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pictures or conversations in it, `and what is the use of a book,'
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thought Alice `without pictures or conversation?'
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So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could,
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for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether
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the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble
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of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White
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Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.
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There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice
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think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to
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itself, `Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought
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it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have
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wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural);
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but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-
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POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to
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her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never
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before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to
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take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the
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field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop
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down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.
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In another moment down went Alice after it, never once
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considering how in the world she was to get out again.
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The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way,
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and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a
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moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself
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falling down a very deep well.
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Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she
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had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to
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wonder what was going to happen next. First, she tried to look
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down and make out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to
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see anything; then she looked at the sides of the well, and
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noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves;
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here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. She
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took down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it was
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labelled `ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great disappointment it
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was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing
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somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she
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fell past it.
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`Well!' thought Alice to herself, `after such a fall as this, I
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shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll
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all think me at home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it,
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even if I fell off the top of the house!' (Which was very likely
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true.)
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Down, down, down. Would the fall NEVER come to an end! `I
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wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud.
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`I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let
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me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think--' (for,
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you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in her
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lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a VERY good
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opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no one to
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listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) `--yes,
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that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude
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or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was,
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or Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to
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say.)
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Presently she began again. `I wonder if I shall fall right
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THROUGH the earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the
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people that walk with their heads downward! The Antipathies, I
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think--' (she was rather glad there WAS no one listening, this
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time, as it didn't sound at all the right word) `--but I shall
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have to ask them what the name of the country is, you know.
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Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and she tried
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to curtsey as she spoke--fancy CURTSEYING as you're falling
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through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) `And what
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an ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll
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never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.'
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Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon
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began talking again. `Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I
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should think!' (Dinah was the cat.) `I hope they'll remember
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her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were
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down here with me! There are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but
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you might catch a bat, and that's very like a mouse, you know.
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But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice began to get
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rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of
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way, `Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, `Do
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bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either
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question, it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt
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that she was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she
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was walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very
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earnestly, `Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a
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bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of
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sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.
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Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a
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moment: she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her
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was another long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in
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sight, hurrying down it. There was not a moment to be lost:
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away went Alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear it
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say, as it turned a corner, `Oh my ears and whiskers, how late
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it's getting!' She was close behind it when she turned the
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corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found
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herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps
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hanging from the roof.
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There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked;
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and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the
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other, trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle,
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wondering how she was ever to get out again.
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Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of
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solid glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key,
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and Alice's first thought was that it might belong to one of the
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doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks were too large, or
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the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of
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them. However, on the second time round, she came upon a low
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curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little
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door about fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key
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in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!
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Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small
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passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and
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looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw.
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How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about
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among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but
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she could not even get her head though the doorway; `and even if
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my head would go through,' thought poor Alice, `it would be of
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very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish
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I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only
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know how to begin.' For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things
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had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few
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things indeed were really impossible.
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There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she
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went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on
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it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like
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telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, (`which
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certainly was not here before,' said Alice,) and round the neck
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of the bottle was a paper label, with the words `DRINK ME'
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beautifully printed on it in large letters.
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It was all very well to say `Drink me,' but the wise little
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Alice was not going to do THAT in a hurry. `No, I'll look
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first,' she said, `and see whether it's marked "poison" or not';
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for she had read several nice little histories about children who
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had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant
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things, all because they WOULD not remember the simple rules
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their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot poker
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will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your
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finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had
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never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked
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`poison,' it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or
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later.
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However, this bottle was NOT marked `poison,' so Alice ventured
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to taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort
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of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast
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turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast,) she very soon finished
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it off.
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* * * * * * *
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* * * * * *
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* * * * * * *
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`What a curious feeling!' said Alice; `I must be shutting up
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like a telescope.'
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And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and
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her face brightened up at the thought that she was now the right
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size for going though the little door into that lovely garden.
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First, however, she waited for a few minutes to see if she was
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going to shrink any further: she felt a little nervous about
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this; `for it might end, you know,' said Alice to herself, `in my
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going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder what I should be
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like then?' And she tried to fancy what the flame of a candle is
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like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember
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ever having seen such a thing.
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After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided
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on going into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when
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she got to the door, she found he had forgotten the little golden
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key, and when she went back to the table for it, she found she
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could not possibly reach it: she could see it quite plainly
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through the glass, and she tried her best to climb up one of the
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legs of the table, but it was too slippery; and when she had
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tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing sat down and
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cried.
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`Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to
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herself, rather sharply; `I advise you to leave off this minute!'
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She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very
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seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself so
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severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered
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trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game
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of croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious
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child was very fond of pretending to be two people. `But it's no
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use now,' thought poor Alice, `to pretend to be two people! Why,
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there's hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable
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person!'
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Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under
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the table: she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on
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which the words `EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants.
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`Well, I'll eat it,' said Alice, `and if it makes me grow larger,
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I can reach the key; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep
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under the door; so either way I'll get into the garden, and I
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don't care which happens!'
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She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, `Which
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way? Which way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to
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feel which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised to
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find that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally
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happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the
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way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen,
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that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the
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common way.
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So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.
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* * * * * * *
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* * * * * *
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* * * * * * *
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CHAPTER II
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The Pool of Tears
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`Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much
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surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good
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English); `now I'm opening out like the largest telescope that
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ever was! Good-bye, feet!' (for when she looked down at her
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feet, they seemed to be almost out of sight, they were getting so
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far off). `Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder who will put on
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your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure _I_ shan't
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be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself
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about you: you must manage the best way you can; --but I must be
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kind to them,' thought Alice, `or perhaps they won't walk the
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way I want to go! Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of
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boots every Christmas.'
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And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it.
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`They must go by the carrier,' she thought; `and how funny it'll
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seem, sending presents to one's own feet! And how odd the
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directions will look!
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ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ.
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HEARTHRUG,
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NEAR THE FENDER,
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(WITH ALICE'S LOVE).
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Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!'
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Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in
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fact she was now more than nine feet high, and she at once took
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up the little golden key and hurried off to the garden door.
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Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one
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side, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get
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through was more hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to
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cry again.
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`You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, `a great
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girl like you,' (she might well say this), `to go on crying in
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this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!' But she went on all
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the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large pool
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all round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down the
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hall.
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After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the
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distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming.
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It was the White Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a
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pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the
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other: he came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to
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himself as he came, `Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! won't she
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be savage if I've kept her waiting!' Alice felt so desperate
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that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit
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came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, `If you please,
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sir--' The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid
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gloves and the fan, and skurried away into the darkness as hard
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as he could go.
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Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very
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hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking:
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`Dear, dear! How queer everything is to-day! And yesterday
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things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in
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the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this
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morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little
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different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in
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the world am I? Ah, THAT'S the great puzzle!' And she began
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thinking over all the children she knew that were of the same age
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as herself, to see if she could have been changed for any of
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them.
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`I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, `for her hair goes in such
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long ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm
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sure I can't be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she,
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oh! she knows such a very little! Besides, SHE'S she, and I'm I,
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and--oh dear, how puzzling it all is! I'll try if I know all the
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things I used to know. Let me see: four times five is twelve,
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and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is--oh dear!
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I shall never get to twenty at that rate! However, the
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Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography.
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London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome,
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and Rome--no, THAT'S all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been
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changed for Mabel! I'll try and say "How doth the little--"'
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and she crossed her hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons,
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and began to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and
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strange, and the words did not come the same as they used to do:--
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`How doth the little crocodile
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Improve his shining tail,
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And pour the waters of the Nile
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On every golden scale!
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`How cheerfully he seems to grin,
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How neatly spread his claws,
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And welcome little fishes in
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With gently smiling jaws!'
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`I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and
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her eyes filled with tears again as she went on, `I must be Mabel
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after all, and I shall have to go and live in that poky little
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house, and have next to no toys to play with, and oh! ever so
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many lessons to learn! No, I've made up my mind about it; if I'm
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Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no use their putting their
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heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I shall only look
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up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I
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like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down
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here till I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a
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sudden burst of tears, `I do wish they WOULD put their heads
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|
down! I am so VERY tired of being all alone here!'
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As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was
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surprised to see that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little
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|
white kid gloves while she was talking. `How CAN I have done
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that?' she thought. `I must be growing small again.' She got up
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|
and went to the table to measure herself by it, and found that,
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as nearly as she could guess, she was now about two feet high,
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and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found out that the
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cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped it
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hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.
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|
`That WAS a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at
|
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|
the sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in
|
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|
existence; `and now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed
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|
back to the little door: but, alas! the little door was shut
|
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|
again, and the little golden key was lying on the glass table as
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|
before, `and things are worse than ever,' thought the poor child,
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`for I never was so small as this before, never! And I declare
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it's too bad, that it is!'
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As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another
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moment, splash! she was up to her chin in salt water. He first
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idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, `and in that
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case I can go back by railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had
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|
been to the seaside once in her life, and had come to the general
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|
conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English coast you find
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|
a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children digging in
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|
the sand with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, and
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|
behind them a railway station.) However, she soon made out that
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she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine
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|
feet high.
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`I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about,
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|
trying to find her way out. `I shall be punished for it now, I
|
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|
suppose, by being drowned in my own tears! That WILL be a queer
|
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|
thing, to be sure! However, everything is queer to-day.'
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Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a
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|
little way off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at
|
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|
first she thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then
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she remembered how small she was now, and she soon made out that
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it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself.
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`Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, `to speak to this
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|
mouse? Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should
|
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|
think very likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in
|
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|
|
trying.' So she began: `O Mouse, do you know the way out of
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|
this pool? I am very tired of swimming about here, O Mouse!'
|
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|
(Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking to a mouse:
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|
she had never done such a thing before, but she remembered having
|
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|
seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, `A mouse--of a mouse--to a
|
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|
mouse--a mouse--O mouse!' The Mouse looked at her rather
|
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|
inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little
|
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|
eyes, but it said nothing.
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|
`Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; `I
|
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|
daresay it's a French mouse, come over with William the
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|
|
Conqueror.' (For, with all her knowledge of history, Alice had
|
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|
|
|
no very clear notion how long ago anything had happened.) So she
|
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|
|
began again: `Ou est ma chatte?' which was the first sentence in
|
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|
|
her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the
|
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|
|
water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright. `Oh, I beg
|
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|
|
your pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the
|
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|
|
poor animal's feelings. `I quite forgot you didn't like cats.'
|
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|
`Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate
|
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|
voice. `Would YOU like cats if you were me?'
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|
`Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone: `don't be
|
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|
|
angry about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah:
|
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|
|
I think you'd take a fancy to cats if you could only see her.
|
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|
She is such a dear quiet thing,' Alice went on, half to herself,
|
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|
|
|
as she swam lazily about in the pool, `and she sits purring so
|
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|
|
nicely by the fire, licking her paws and washing her face--and
|
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|
she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's such a capital
|
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|
one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice again,
|
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|
|
|
for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she felt
|
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|
|
certain it must be really offended. `We won't talk about her any
|
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|
more if you'd rather not.'
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|
`We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end
|
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|
|
of his tail. `As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family
|
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|
always HATED cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't let me hear
|
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|
the name again!'
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|
`I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the
|
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|
|
subject of conversation. `Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?'
|
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|
The Mouse did not answer, so Alice went on eagerly: `There is
|
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|
such a nice little dog near our house I should like to show you!
|
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|
A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly
|
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|
brown hair! And it'll fetch things when you throw them, and
|
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|
it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of things--I
|
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|
can't remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer, you
|
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|
know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds!
|
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|
He says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a
|
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|
|
sorrowful tone, `I'm afraid I've offended it again!' For the
|
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|
Mouse was swimming away from her as hard as it could go, and
|
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|
making quite a commotion in the pool as it went.
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|
So she called softly after it, `Mouse dear! Do come back
|
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|
again, and we won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't
|
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|
|
like them!' When the Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam
|
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|
|
slowly back to her: its face was quite pale (with passion, Alice
|
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|
|
thought), and it said in a low trembling voice, `Let us get to
|
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|
|
the shore, and then I'll tell you my history, and you'll
|
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|
|
understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.'
|
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|
It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded
|
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|
|
with the birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a
|
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|
|
Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious
|
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|
|
creatures. Alice led the way, and the whole party swam to the
|
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|
|
shore.
|
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|
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|
|
CHAPTER III
|
|
|
|
|
|
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|
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|
|
A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale
|
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|
They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the
|
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|
|
|
bank--the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their
|
|
|
|
|
|
fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and
|
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|
|
|
uncomfortable.
|
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|
The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they
|
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|
|
|
|
had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed
|
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|
|
|
|
quite natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with
|
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|
|
them, as if she had known them all her life. Indeed, she had
|
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|
|
quite a long argument with the Lory, who at last turned sulky,
|
|
|
|
|
|
and would only say, `I am older than you, and must know better';
|
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|
and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was,
|
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|
and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no
|
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|
|
more to be said.
|
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|
At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among
|
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|
|
them, called out, `Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL
|
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|
|
|
soon make you dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large
|
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|
|
|
ring, with the Mouse in the middle. Alice kept her eyes
|
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|
|
anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad
|
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|
|
cold if she did not get dry very soon.
|
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|
`Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, `are you all ready?
|
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|
|
|
This is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please!
|
|
|
|
|
|
"William the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was
|
|
|
|
|
|
soon submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been
|
|
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|
|
|
of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and
|
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|
|
|
|
Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria--"'
|
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|
`Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver.
|
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|
`I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very
|
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|
|
politely: `Did you speak?'
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|
`Not I!' said the Lory hastily.
|
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|
`I thought you did,' said the Mouse. `--I proceed. "Edwin and
|
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|
|
|
Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him:
|
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|
|
|
and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found
|
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|
|
it advisable--"'
|
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|
`Found WHAT?' said the Duck.
|
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|
`Found IT,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: `of course you
|
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|
|
know what "it" means.'
|
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|
`I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said
|
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|
|
the Duck: `it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is,
|
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what did the archbishop find?'
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The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on,
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`"--found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William
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and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was
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moderate. But the insolence of his Normans--" How are you
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getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning to Alice as it
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spoke.
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`As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: `it doesn't
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seem to dry me at all.'
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`In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, `I
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move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more
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energetic remedies--'
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`Speak English!' said the Eaglet. `I don't know the meaning of
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half those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do
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either!' And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile:
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some of the other birds tittered audibly.
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`What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone,
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`was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.'
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`What IS a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much
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to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY
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ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.
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`Why,' said the Dodo, `the best way to explain it is to do it.'
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(And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter
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day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.)
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First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, (`the
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exact shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party
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were placed along the course, here and there. There was no `One,
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two, three, and away,' but they began running when they liked,
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and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know
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when the race was over. However, when they had been running half
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an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called
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out `The race is over!' and they all crowded round it, panting,
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and asking, `But who has won?'
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This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of
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thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon
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its forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare,
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in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence. At
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last the Dodo said, `EVERYBODY has won, and all must have
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prizes.'
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`But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices
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asked.
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`Why, SHE, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with
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one finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her,
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calling out in a confused way, `Prizes! Prizes!'
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Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand
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in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt
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water had not got into it), and handed them round as prizes.
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There was exactly one a-piece all round.
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`But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse.
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`Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. `What else have
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you got in your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice.
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`Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly.
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`Hand it over here,' said the Dodo.
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Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo
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solemnly presented the thimble, saying `We beg your acceptance of
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this elegant thimble'; and, when it had finished this short
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speech, they all cheered.
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Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked
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so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not
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think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble,
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looking as solemn as she could.
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The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise
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and confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not
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taste theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on
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the back. However, it was over at last, and they sat down again
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in a ring, and begged the Mouse to tell them something more.
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`You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice,
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`and why it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half
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afraid that it would be offended again.
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`Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to
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Alice, and sighing.
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`It IS a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with
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wonder at the Mouse's tail; `but why do you call it sad?' And
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she kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking, so
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that her idea of the tale was something like this:--
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`Fury said to a
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mouse, That he
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met in the
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house,
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"Let us
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both go to
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law: I will
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prosecute
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YOU. --Come,
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I'll take no
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denial; We
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must have a
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trial: For
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|
really this
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morning I've
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nothing
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to do."
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Said the
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mouse to the
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cur, "Such
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|
a trial,
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|
dear Sir,
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|
With
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|
no jury
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|
or judge,
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would be
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|
wasting
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our
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|
breath."
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"I'll be
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|
judge, I'll
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|
be jury,"
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Said
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cunning
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|
old Fury:
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|
"I'll
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|
try the
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|
whole
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|
cause,
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and
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|
condemn
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you
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|
to
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|
death."'
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|
`You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely.
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|
`What are you thinking of?'
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|
`I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: `you had got to
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|
the fifth bend, I think?'
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|
`I had NOT!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
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|
`A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and
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|
looking anxiously about her. `Oh, do let me help to undo it!'
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|
`I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up
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|
and walking away. `You insult me by talking such nonsense!'
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|
`I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. `But you're so easily
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|
offended, you know!'
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The Mouse only growled in reply.
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|
`Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after
|
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|
it; and the others all joined in chorus, `Yes, please do!' but
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|
the Mouse only shook its head impatiently, and walked a little
|
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|
quicker.
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|
`What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it
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|
was quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of
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|
saying to her daughter `Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you
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|
|
never to lose YOUR temper!' `Hold your tongue, Ma!' said the
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|
young Crab, a little snappishly. `You're enough to try the
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|
|
patience of an oyster!'
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|
`I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud,
|
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|
|
addressing nobody in particular. `She'd soon fetch it back!'
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|
`And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?'
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|
said the Lory.
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|
Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about
|
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|
her pet: `Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for
|
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|
|
catching mice you can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her
|
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|
|
after the birds! Why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look
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|
at it!'
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|
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party.
|
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|
|
Some of the birds hurried off at once: one the old Magpie began
|
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|
|
wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, `I really must be
|
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|
|
getting home; the night-air doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary
|
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|
|
called out in a trembling voice to its children, `Come away, my
|
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|
|
dears! It's high time you were all in bed!' On various pretexts
|
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|
they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.
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|
`I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a
|
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|
|
melancholy tone. `Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm
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|
|
sure she's the best cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I
|
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|
|
wonder if I shall ever see you any more!' And here poor Alice
|
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|
|
began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited.
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|
In a little while, however, she again heard a little pattering of
|
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|
|
footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping
|
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|
|
that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to
|
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|
finish his story.
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|
|
CHAPTER IV
|
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|
The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
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|
It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and
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looking anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something;
|
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|
and she heard it muttering to itself `The Duchess! The Duchess!
|
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|
Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and whiskers! She'll get me
|
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|
executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where CAN I have
|
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|
dropped them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a moment that it was
|
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|
looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and she
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|
very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were
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|
nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her
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|
swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and
|
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|
the little door, had vanished completely.
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|
Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about,
|
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|
and called out to her in an angry tone, `Why, Mary Ann, what ARE
|
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|
|
you doing out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of
|
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|
|
gloves and a fan! Quick, now!' And Alice was so much frightened
|
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|
|
that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed to, without
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|
|
trying to explain the mistake it had made.
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|
`He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran.
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|
`How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd
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|
|
better take him his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.'
|
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|
As she said this, she came upon a neat little house, on the door
|
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|
|
of which was a bright brass plate with the name `W. RABBIT'
|
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|
|
engraved upon it. She went in without knocking, and hurried
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|
upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann,
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|
and be turned out of the house before she had found the fan and
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|
gloves.
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|
`How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, `to be going
|
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|
messages for a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on
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|
|
messages next!' And she began fancying the sort of thing that
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|
|
would happen: `"Miss Alice! Come here directly, and get ready
|
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|
|
for your walk!" "Coming in a minute, nurse! But I've got to see
|
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|
|
that the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't think,' Alice went
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|
on, `that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it began ordering
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|
people about like that!'
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|
By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with
|
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|
|
a table in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two
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|
or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and
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|
a pair of the gloves, and was just going to leave the room, when
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|
|
her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the looking-
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|
|
glass. There was no label this time with the words `DRINK ME,'
|
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|
|
but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips. `I know
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|
|
SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen,' she said to herself,
|
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|
|
`whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what this
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|
|
bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for
|
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|
|
really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!'
|
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|
It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected:
|
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|
|
before she had drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing
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|
|
against the ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from being
|
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|
|
broken. She hastily put down the bottle, saying to herself
|
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|
|
`That's quite enough--I hope I shan't grow any more--As it is, I
|
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|
|
can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so
|
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|
|
much!'
|
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|
Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and
|
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|
|
growing, and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in
|
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|
|
another minute there was not even room for this, and she tried
|
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|
|
the effect of lying down with one elbow against the door, and the
|
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|
|
other arm curled round her head. Still she went on growing, and,
|
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|
|
as a last resource, she put one arm out of the window, and one
|
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|
|
foot up the chimney, and said to herself `Now I can do no more,
|
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|
|
whatever happens. What WILL become of me?'
|
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|
|
Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full
|
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effect, and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable,
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and, as there seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting
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out of the room again, no wonder she felt unhappy.
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`It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, `when one
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wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about
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by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that
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rabbit-hole--and yet--and yet--it's rather curious, you know,
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this sort of life! I do wonder what CAN have happened to me!
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When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing
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never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one! There
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ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when
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I grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a
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sorrowful tone; `at least there's no room to grow up any more
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HERE.'
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`But then,' thought Alice, `shall I NEVER get any older than I
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am now? That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman-
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-but then--always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like
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THAT!'
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`Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. `How can you
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learn lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for YOU, and no
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room at all for any lesson-books!'
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And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other,
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and making quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few
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minutes she heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen.
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`Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. `Fetch me my gloves
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this moment!' Then came a little pattering of feet on the
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stairs. Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look for her, and
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she trembled till she shook the house, quite forgetting that she
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was now about a thousand times as large as the Rabbit, and had no
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reason to be afraid of it.
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Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it;
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but, as the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed
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hard against it, that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it
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say to itself `Then I'll go round and get in at the window.'
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`THAT you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till she
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fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly
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spread out her hand, and made a snatch in the air. She did not
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get hold of anything, but she heard a little shriek and a fall,
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and a crash of broken glass, from which she concluded that it was
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just possible it had fallen into a cucumber-frame, or something
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of the sort.
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Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--`Pat! Pat! Where are
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you?' And then a voice she had never heard before, `Sure then
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I'm here! Digging for apples, yer honour!'
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`Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. `Here!
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Come and help me out of THIS!' (Sounds of more broken glass.)
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`Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?'
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`Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it `arrum.')
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`An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it
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fills the whole window!'
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`Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.'
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`Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it
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away!'
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There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear
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whispers now and then; such as, `Sure, I don't like it, yer
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honour, at all, at all!' `Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at
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last she spread out her hand again, and made another snatch in
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the air. This time there were TWO little shrieks, and more
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sounds of broken glass. `What a number of cucumber-frames there
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must be!' thought Alice. `I wonder what they'll do next! As for
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pulling me out of the window, I only wish they COULD! I'm sure I
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don't want to stay in here any longer!'
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She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at
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last came a rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a
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good many voice all talking together: she made out the words:
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`Where's the other ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one;
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Bill's got the other--Bill! fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up
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at this corner--No, tie 'em together first--they don't reach half
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high enough yet--Oh! they'll do well enough; don't be particular-
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-Here, Bill! catch hold of this rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind
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that loose slate--Oh, it's coming down! Heads below!' (a loud
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|
crash)--`Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I fancy--Who's to go
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down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! YOU do it!--That I won't,
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then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says you're to
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go down the chimney!'
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`Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said
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Alice to herself. `Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill!
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I wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is
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narrow, to be sure; but I THINK I can kick a little!'
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She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and
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waited till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what
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sort it was) scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close
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above her: then, saying to herself `This is Bill,' she gave one
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sharp kick, and waited to see what would happen next.
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The first thing she heard was a general chorus of `There goes
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Bill!' then the Rabbit's voice along--`Catch him, you by the
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hedge!' then silence, and then another confusion of voices--`Hold
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up his head--Brandy now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow?
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What happened to you? Tell us all about it!'
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Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, (`That's Bill,'
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thought Alice,) `Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm
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better now--but I'm a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know
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is, something comes at me like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes
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like a sky-rocket!'
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`So you did, old fellow!' said the others.
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`We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and
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Alice called out as loud as she could, `If you do. I'll set
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Dinah at you!'
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There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to
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herself, `I wonder what they WILL do next! If they had any
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sense, they'd take the roof off.' After a minute or two, they
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began moving about again, and Alice heard the Rabbit say, `A
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barrowful will do, to begin with.'
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`A barrowful of WHAT?' thought Alice; but she had not long to
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doubt, for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came
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|
rattling in at the window, and some of them hit her in the face.
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`I'll put a stop to this,' she said to herself, and shouted out,
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|
`You'd better not do that again!' which produced another dead
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|
silence.
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Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all
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|
turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright
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|
idea came into her head. `If I eat one of these cakes,' she
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|
thought, `it's sure to make SOME change in my size; and as it
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|
can't possibly make me larger, it must make me smaller, I
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|
suppose.'
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So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find
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|
that she began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small
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|
enough to get through the door, she ran out of the house, and
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|
found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside.
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|
The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, being held up by
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|
two guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out of a bottle.
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|
They all made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared; but she
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|
ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself safe in a
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|
thick wood.
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`The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as she
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wandered about in the wood, `is to grow to my right size again;
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|
and the second thing is to find my way into that lovely garden.
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I think that will be the best plan.'
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It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and
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|
simply arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the
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smallest idea how to set about it; and while she was peering
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|
about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp bark just over
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her head made her look up in a great hurry.
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An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round
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eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her.
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`Poor little thing!' said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried
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hard to whistle to it; but she was terribly frightened all the
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time at the thought that it might be hungry, in which case it
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would be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her coaxing.
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Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of
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stick, and held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped
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into the air off all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight,
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and rushed at the stick, and made believe to worry it; then Alice
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|
dodged behind a great thistle, to keep herself from being run
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over; and the moment she appeared on the other side, the puppy
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made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in
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its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was very
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like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every
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moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle
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again; then the puppy began a series of short charges at the
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stick, running a very little way forwards each time and a long
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way back, and barking hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat
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down a good way off, panting, with its tongue hanging out of its
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mouth, and its great eyes half shut.
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This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape;
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so she set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out
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of breath, and till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the
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distance.
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`And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she
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leant against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself
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with one of the leaves: `I should have liked teaching it tricks
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very much, if--if I'd only been the right size to do it! Oh
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dear! I'd nearly forgotten that I've got to grow up again! Let
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me see--how IS it to be managed? I suppose I ought to eat or
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drink something or other; but the great question is, what?'
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The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round
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her at the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see
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anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink under
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the circumstances. There was a large mushroom growing near her,
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about the same height as herself; and when she had looked under
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it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it occurred to her
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that she might as well look and see what was on the top of it.
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She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of
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the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large
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caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with its arms folded,
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quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice
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|
of her or of anything else.
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|
CHAPTER V
|
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Advice from a Caterpillar
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The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in
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silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its
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mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.
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`Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.
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This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice
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|
replied, rather shyly, `I--I hardly know, sir, just at present--
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|
at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think
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I must have been changed several times since then.'
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`What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly.
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`Explain yourself!'
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`I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, `because
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I'm not myself, you see.'
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`I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.
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`I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very
|
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|
politely, `for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and
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|
being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.'
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`It isn't,' said the Caterpillar.
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`Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; `but
|
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|
when you have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you
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|
know--and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll
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|
feel it a little queer, won't you?'
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`Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar.
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`Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice;
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`all I know is, it would feel very queer to ME.'
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`You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. `Who are YOU?'
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|
Which brought them back again to the beginning of the
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|
conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's
|
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|
making such VERY short remarks, and she drew herself up and said,
|
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|
very gravely, `I think, you ought to tell me who YOU are, first.'
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`Why?' said the Caterpillar.
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|
Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not
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|
think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in
|
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a VERY unpleasant state of mind, she turned away.
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`Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her. `I've something
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important to say!'
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This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back
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again.
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`Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar.
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`Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as
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she could.
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`No,' said the Caterpillar.
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Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else
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to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth
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hearing. For some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but
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at last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth
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again, and said, `So you think you're changed, do you?'
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`I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice; `I can't remember things as
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I used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!'
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`Can't remember WHAT things?' said the Caterpillar.
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`Well, I've tried to say "HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE," but it
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all came different!' Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.
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`Repeat, "YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,"' said the Caterpillar.
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Alice folded her hands, and began:--
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`You are old, Father William,' the young man said,
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`And your hair has become very white;
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And yet you incessantly stand on your head--
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Do you think, at your age, it is right?'
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`In my youth,' Father William replied to his son,
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`I feared it might injure the brain;
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But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
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Why, I do it again and again.'
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`You are old,' said the youth, `as I mentioned before,
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And have grown most uncommonly fat;
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Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door--
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Pray, what is the reason of that?'
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`In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
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`I kept all my limbs very supple
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By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box--
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Allow me to sell you a couple?'
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`You are old,' said the youth, `and your jaws are too weak
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For anything tougher than suet;
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Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak--
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Pray how did you manage to do it?'
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`In my youth,' said his father, `I took to the law,
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And argued each case with my wife;
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And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
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Has lasted the rest of my life.'
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`You are old,' said the youth, `one would hardly suppose
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That your eye was as steady as ever;
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Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--
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What made you so awfully clever?'
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`I have answered three questions, and that is enough,'
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Said his father; `don't give yourself airs!
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Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
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Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!'
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`That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar.
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`Not QUITE right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; `some of the
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words have got altered.'
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`It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar
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decidedly, and there was silence for some minutes.
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The Caterpillar was the first to speak.
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`What size do you want to be?' it asked.
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`Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied;
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`only one doesn't like changing so often, you know.'
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`I DON'T know,' said the Caterpillar.
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Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in
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her life before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.
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`Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar.
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`Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you
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wouldn't mind,' said Alice: `three inches is such a wretched
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height to be.'
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`It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar
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angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three
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inches high).
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`But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone.
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And she thought of herself, `I wish the creatures wouldn't be so
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easily offended!'
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`You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it
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put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.
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This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again.
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In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its
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mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got
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down off the mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely
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remarking as it went, `One side will make you grow taller, and
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the other side will make you grow shorter.'
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`One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?' thought Alice to
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herself.
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`Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had
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asked it aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.
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Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a
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|
minute, trying to make out which were the two sides of it; and as
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it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult question.
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However, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they
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would go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.
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`And now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a
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|
little of the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment
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|
she felt a violent blow underneath her chin: it had struck her
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foot!
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|
She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but
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she felt that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking
|
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|
rapidly; so she set to work at once to eat some of the other bit.
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|
Her chin was pressed so closely against her foot, that there was
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|
hardly room to open her mouth; but she did it at last, and
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|
managed to swallow a morsel of the lefthand bit.
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* * * * * * *
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* * * * * *
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* * * * * * *
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|
`Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of
|
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|
delight, which changed into alarm in another moment, when she
|
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|
found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found: all she could
|
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|
see, when she looked down, was an immense length of neck, which
|
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|
seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay
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far below her.
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`What CAN all that green stuff be?' said Alice. `And where
|
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|
HAVE my shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I
|
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|
can't see you?' She was moving them about as she spoke, but no
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|
result seemed to follow, except a little shaking among the
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|
distant green leaves.
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|
As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her
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|
head, she tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted
|
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|
to find that her neck would bend about easily in any direction,
|
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|
|
like a serpent. She had just succeeded in curving it down into a
|
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|
|
graceful zigzag, and was going to dive in among the leaves, which
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|
she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she
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|
had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a
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|
hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was beating
|
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|
her violently with its wings.
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|
`Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon.
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`I'm NOT a serpent!' said Alice indignantly. `Let me alone!'
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|
`Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more
|
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|
|
subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob, `I've tried every
|
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|
|
way, and nothing seems to suit them!'
|
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|
`I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said
|
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|
Alice.
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|
`I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've
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|
|
tried hedges,' the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; `but
|
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|
|
those serpents! There's no pleasing them!'
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|
Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no
|
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|
use in saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.
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|
`As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the
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|
|
Pigeon; `but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and
|
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|
|
day! Why, I haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!'
|
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|
`I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was
|
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|
|
beginning to see its meaning.
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|
`And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' continued
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|
|
the Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, `and just as I was
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|
thinking I should be free of them at last, they must needs come
|
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|
wriggling down from the sky! Ugh, Serpent!'
|
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|
`But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice. `I'm a--I'm
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|
a--'
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|
`Well! WHAT are you?' said the Pigeon. `I can see you're
|
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|
trying to invent something!'
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|
`I--I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she
|
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|
|
remembered the number of changes she had gone through that day.
|
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|
`A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the
|
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|
|
deepest contempt. `I've seen a good many little girls in my
|
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|
|
time, but never ONE with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a
|
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|
|
serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be
|
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|
|
telling me next that you never tasted an egg!'
|
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|
`I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a very
|
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|
|
truthful child; `but little girls eat eggs quite as much as
|
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|
|
serpents do, you know.'
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|
`I don't believe it,' said the Pigeon; `but if they do, why
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|
|
then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.'
|
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|
This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent
|
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|
|
for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of
|
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|
|
adding, `You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and
|
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|
what does it matter to me whether you're a little girl or a
|
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|
|
serpent?'
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|
`It matters a good deal to ME,' said Alice hastily; `but I'm
|
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|
not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't
|
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|
|
want YOURS: I don't like them raw.'
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|
`Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it
|
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|
|
settled down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the
|
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|
|
trees as well as she could, for her neck kept getting entangled
|
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|
|
among the branches, and every now and then she had to stop and
|
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|
|
untwist it. After a while she remembered that she still held the
|
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|
|
pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set to work very
|
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|
|
|
carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and
|
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|
|
|
growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had
|
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|
|
|
succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
|
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|
It was so long since she had been anything near the right size,
|
|
|
|
|
|
that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a
|
|
|
|
|
|
few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual. `Come,
|
|
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|
|
|
there's half my plan done now! How puzzling all these changes
|
|
|
|
|
|
are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to
|
|
|
|
|
|
another! However, I've got back to my right size: the next
|
|
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|
|
thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that to be
|
|
|
|
|
|
done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an
|
|
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|
|
open place, with a little house in it about four feet high.
|
|
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|
|
`Whoever lives there,' thought Alice, `it'll never do to come
|
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|
|
upon them THIS size: why, I should frighten them out of their
|
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|
|
|
wits!' So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did
|
|
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|
|
not venture to go near the house till she had brought herself
|
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|
|
down to nine inches high.
|
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|
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|
|
CHAPTER VI
|
|
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|
Pig and Pepper
|
|
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|
For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and
|
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|
|
|
wondering what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came
|
|
|
|
|
|
running out of the wood--(she considered him to be a footman
|
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|
|
|
|
because he was in livery: otherwise, judging by his face only,
|
|
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|
|
she would have called him a fish)--and rapped loudly at the door
|
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|
|
with his knuckles. It was opened by another footman in livery,
|
|
|
|
|
|
with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both footmen,
|
|
|
|
|
|
Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all over their
|
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|
|
heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about, and
|
|
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|
|
crept a little way out of the wood to listen.
|
|
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|
|
The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great
|
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|
|
letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to
|
|
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the other, saying, in a solemn tone, `For the Duchess. An
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invitation from the Queen to play croquet.' The Frog-Footman
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repeated, in the same solemn tone, only changing the order of the
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words a little, `From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess
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to play croquet.'
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Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled
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together.
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Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into
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the wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped
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out the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the
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ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
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Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.
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`There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, `and
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that for two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the
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door as you are; secondly, because they're making such a noise
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inside, no one could possibly hear you.' And certainly there was
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a most extraordinary noise going on within--a constant howling
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and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish
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or kettle had been broken to pieces.
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`Please, then,' said Alice, `how am I to get in?'
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`There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went
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on without attending to her, `if we had the door between us. For
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instance, if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let
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you out, you know.' He was looking up into the sky all the time
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he was speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. `But
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perhaps he can't help it,' she said to herself; `his eyes are so
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VERY nearly at the top of his head. But at any rate he might
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answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she repeated, aloud.
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`I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, `till tomorrow--'
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At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate
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came skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just
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grazed his nose, and broke to pieces against one of the trees
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behind him.
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`--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same tone,
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exactly as if nothing had happened.
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`How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone.
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`ARE you to get in at all?' said the Footman. `That's the
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first question, you know.'
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It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so.
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`It's really dreadful,' she muttered to herself, `the way all the
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creatures argue. It's enough to drive one crazy!'
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The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for
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repeating his remark, with variations. `I shall sit here,' he
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said, `on and off, for days and days.'
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`But what am I to do?' said Alice.
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`Anything you like,' said the Footman, and began whistling.
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`Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice desperately:
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`he's perfectly idiotic!' And she opened the door and went in.
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The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of
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smoke from one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a
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three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was
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leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to
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be full of soup.
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`There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to
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herself, as well as she could for sneezing.
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There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the
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Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was
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sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause. The
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only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook,
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and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from
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ear to ear.
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`Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for
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she was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to
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speak first, `why your cat grins like that?'
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`It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, `and that's why.
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Pig!'
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She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice
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quite jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed
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to the baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and went on
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again:--
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`I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I
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didn't know that cats COULD grin.'
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`They all can,' said the Duchess; `and most of 'em do.'
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`I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely,
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feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation.
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`You don't know much,' said the Duchess; `and that's a fact.'
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Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought
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it would be as well to introduce some other subject of
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conversation. While she was trying to fix on one, the cook took
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the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work
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throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby
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--the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans,
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plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them even when
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they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it
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was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
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`Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, jumping up
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and down in an agony of terror. `Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS
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nose'; as an unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very
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nearly carried it off.
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`If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a
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hoarse growl, `the world would go round a deal faster than it
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does.'
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`Which would NOT be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt very
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glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her
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|
knowledge. `Just think of what work it would make with the day
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|
and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn
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|
round on its axis--'
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`Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, `chop off her head!'
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Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant
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to take the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and
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seemed not to be listening, so she went on again: `Twenty-four
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|
hours, I THINK; or is it twelve? I--'
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`Oh, don't bother ME,' said the Duchess; `I never could abide
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figures!' And with that she began nursing her child again,
|
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|
singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a
|
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|
violent shake at the end of every line:
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`Speak roughly to your little boy,
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|
And beat him when he sneezes:
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He only does it to annoy,
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Because he knows it teases.'
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CHORUS.
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|
(In which the cook and the baby joined):--
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`Wow! wow! wow!'
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|
While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept
|
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|
tossing the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing
|
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|
howled so, that Alice could hardly hear the words:--
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`I speak severely to my boy,
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|
I beat him when he sneezes;
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|
For he can thoroughly enjoy
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The pepper when he pleases!'
|
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|
CHORUS.
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`Wow! wow! wow!'
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`Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said
|
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|
to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. `I must go and
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|
get ready to play croquet with the Queen,' and she hurried out of
|
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|
|
the room. The cook threw a frying-pan after her as she went out,
|
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|
but it just missed her.
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Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer-
|
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|
shaped little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all
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|
directions, `just like a star-fish,' thought Alice. The poor
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|
little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when she caught it,
|
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|
and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again,
|
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|
so that altogether, for the first minute or two, it was as much
|
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|
as she could do to hold it.
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|
As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it,
|
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|
(which was to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep
|
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|
tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its
|
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|
undoing itself,) she carried it out into the open air. `IF I
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|
don't take this child away with me,' thought Alice, `they're sure
|
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|
to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be murder to leave it
|
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|
behind?' She said the last words out loud, and the little thing
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|
grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). `Don't
|
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|
grunt,' said Alice; `that's not at all a proper way of expressing
|
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|
yourself.'
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The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into
|
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|
its face to see what was the matter with it. There could be no
|
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|
doubt that it had a VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout
|
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|
than a real nose; also its eyes were getting extremely small for
|
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|
a baby: altogether Alice did not like the look of the thing at
|
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|
all. `But perhaps it was only sobbing,' she thought, and looked
|
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|
into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears.
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No, there were no tears. `If you're going to turn into a pig,
|
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my dear,' said Alice, seriously, `I'll have nothing more to do
|
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|
with you. Mind now!' The poor little thing sobbed again (or
|
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|
grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they went on for
|
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|
some while in silence.
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|
Alice was just beginning to think to herself, `Now, what am I
|
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|
to do with this creature when I get it home?' when it grunted
|
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|
again, so violently, that she looked down into its face in some
|
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|
alarm. This time there could be NO mistake about it: it was
|
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|
neither more nor less than a pig, and she felt that it would be
|
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|
quite absurd for her to carry it further.
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So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to
|
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see it trot away quietly into the wood. `If it had grown up,'
|
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|
she said to herself, `it would have made a dreadfully ugly child:
|
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|
but it makes rather a handsome pig, I think.' And she began
|
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|
thinking over other children she knew, who might do very well as
|
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|
pigs, and was just saying to herself, `if one only knew the right
|
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|
way to change them--' when she was a little startled by seeing
|
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|
the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off.
|
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|
The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-
|
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|
natured, she thought: still it had VERY long claws and a great
|
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|
many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect.
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|
`Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at
|
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|
all know whether it would like the name: however, it only
|
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|
grinned a little wider. `Come, it's pleased so far,' thought
|
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|
Alice, and she went on. `Would you tell me, please, which way I
|
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|
ought to go from here?'
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|
`That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said
|
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the Cat.
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`I don't much care where--' said Alice.
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`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
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`--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.
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`Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk
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|
long enough.'
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|
Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another
|
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|
question. `What sort of people live about here?'
|
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|
`In THAT direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round,
|
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|
`lives a Hatter: and in THAT direction,' waving the other paw,
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|
`lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.'
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|
`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
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|
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here.
|
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|
I'm mad. You're mad.'
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|
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
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|
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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|
Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on
|
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|
`And how do you know that you're mad?'
|
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|
`To begin with,' said the Cat, `a dog's not mad. You grant
|
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|
that?'
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|
`I suppose so,' said Alice.
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|
`Well, then,' the Cat went on, `you see, a dog growls when it's
|
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|
angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm
|
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|
|
pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.'
|
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|
`I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice.
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|
`Call it what you like,' said the Cat. `Do you play croquet
|
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|
|
with the Queen to-day?'
|
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|
`I should like it very much,' said Alice, `but I haven't been
|
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|
invited yet.'
|
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`You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished.
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Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used
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to queer things happening. While she was looking at the place
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where it had been, it suddenly appeared again.
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`By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat. `I'd
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nearly forgotten to ask.'
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`It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had
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come back in a natural way.
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`I thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again.
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Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it
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did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the
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direction in which the March Hare was said to live. `I've seen
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hatters before,' she said to herself; `the March Hare will be
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much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won't be
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raving mad--at least not so mad as it was in March.' As she said
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this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again, sitting on a
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branch of a tree.
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`Did you say pig, or fig?' said the Cat.
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`I said pig,' replied Alice; `and I wish you wouldn't keep
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appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.'
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`All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite
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slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the
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grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
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`Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice;
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`but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever
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say in my life!'
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She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the
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house of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house,
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because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was
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thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that she did not
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like to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand
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bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high: even
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then she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself
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`Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd
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gone to see the Hatter instead!'
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CHAPTER VII
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A Mad Tea-Party
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There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house,
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and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a
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Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two
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were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and the
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talking over its head. `Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,'
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thought Alice; `only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.'
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The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded
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together at one corner of it: `No room! No room!' they cried
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out when they saw Alice coming. `There's PLENTY of room!' said
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Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one
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end of the table.
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`Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.
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Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it
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but tea. `I don't see any wine,' she remarked.
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`There isn't any,' said the March Hare.
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`Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice
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angrily.
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`It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being
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invited,' said the March Hare.
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`I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Alice; `it's laid for a
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great many more than three.'
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`Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been
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looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was
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his first speech.
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`You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said
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with some severity; `it's very rude.'
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The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all
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he SAID was, `Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'
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`Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. `I'm glad
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they've begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she
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added aloud.
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`Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?'
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said the March Hare.
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`Exactly so,' said Alice.
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`Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.
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`I do,' Alice hastily replied; `at least--at least I mean what
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I say--that's the same thing, you know.'
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`Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. `You might just
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as well say that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat
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what I see"!'
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`You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, `that "I
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like what I get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!'
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`You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to
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be talking in his sleep, `that "I breathe when I sleep" is the
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same thing as "I sleep when I breathe"!'
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`It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the
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conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute,
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while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and
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writing-desks, which wasn't much.
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The Hatter was the first to break the silence. `What day of
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the month is it?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his
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watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking
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it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.
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Alice considered a little, and then said `The fourth.'
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`Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter. `I told you butter
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wouldn't suit the works!' he added looking angrily at the March
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Hare.
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`It was the BEST butter,' the March Hare meekly replied.
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`Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter
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grumbled: `you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.'
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The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then
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he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he
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could think of nothing better to say than his first remark, `It
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was the BEST butter, you know.'
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Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity.
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`What a funny watch!' she remarked. `It tells the day of the
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month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!'
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`Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. `Does YOUR watch tell
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you what year it is?'
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`Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: `but that's
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because it stays the same year for such a long time together.'
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`Which is just the case with MINE,' said the Hatter.
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Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to
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have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English.
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`I don't quite understand you,' she said, as politely as she
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could.
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`The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured
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a little hot tea upon its nose.
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The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without
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opening its eyes, `Of course, of course; just what I was going to
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remark myself.'
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`Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to
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|
Alice again.
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`No, I give it up,' Alice replied: `what's the answer?'
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`I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.
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`Nor I,' said the March Hare.
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Alice sighed wearily. `I think you might do something better
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with the time,' she said, `than waste it in asking riddles that
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have no answers.'
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`If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, `you
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wouldn't talk about wasting IT. It's HIM.'
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`I don't know what you mean,' said Alice.
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`Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head
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contemptuously. `I dare say you never even spoke to Time!'
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`Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: `but I know I have to
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beat time when I learn music.'
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`Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. `He won't stand
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beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do
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almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose
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it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons:
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you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the
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|
clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!'
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(`I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a
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|
whisper.)
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`That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully:
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`but then--I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.'
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`Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: `but you could keep
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it to half-past one as long as you liked.'
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`Is that the way YOU manage?' Alice asked.
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The Hatter shook his head mournfully. `Not I!' he replied.
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`We quarrelled last March--just before HE went mad, you know--'
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|
(pointing with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) `--it was at the
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|
great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing
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"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
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How I wonder what you're at!"
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You know the song, perhaps?'
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`I've heard something like it,' said Alice.
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`It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, `in this way:--
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"Up above the world you fly,
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Like a tea-tray in the sky.
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Twinkle, twinkle--"'
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Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep
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`Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that
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they had to pinch it to make it stop.
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`Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter,
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`when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the
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|
time! Off with his head!"'
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`How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice.
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`And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone,
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`he won't do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.'
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|
A bright idea came into Alice's head. `Is that the reason so
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|
many tea-things are put out here?' she asked.
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`Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: `it's always
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|
tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.'
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|
`Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice.
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`Exactly so,' said the Hatter: `as the things get used up.'
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|
`But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice
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|
ventured to ask.
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|
`Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted,
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|
|
yawning. `I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady
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|
tells us a story.'
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|
`I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at
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|
the proposal.
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|
`Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried. `Wake up,
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|
Dormouse!' And they pinched it on both sides at once.
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|
The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. `I wasn't asleep,' he
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|
said in a hoarse, feeble voice: `I heard every word you fellows
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|
were saying.'
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|
`Tell us a story!' said the March Hare.
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|
`Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice.
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|
`And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, `or you'll be asleep
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|
again before it's done.'
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|
`Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the
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|
Dormouse began in a great hurry; `and their names were Elsie,
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|
Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a well--'
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|
`What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great
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|
interest in questions of eating and drinking.
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|
`They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a
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|
minute or two.
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|
`They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently
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|
remarked; `they'd have been ill.'
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`So they were,' said the Dormouse; `VERY ill.'
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Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways
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of living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went
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on: `But why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
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`Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very
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earnestly.
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`I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, `so
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I can't take more.'
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`You mean you can't take LESS,' said the Hatter: `it's very
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easy to take MORE than nothing.'
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`Nobody asked YOUR opinion,' said Alice.
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`Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked
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triumphantly.
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Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped
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herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the
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Dormouse, and repeated her question. `Why did they live at the
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bottom of a well?'
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The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and
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then said, `It was a treacle-well.'
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`There's no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but
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the Hatter and the March Hare went `Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse
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sulkily remarked, `If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the
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story for yourself.'
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`No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly; `I won't interrupt
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again. I dare say there may be ONE.'
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`One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he
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consented to go on. `And so these three little sisters--they
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were learning to draw, you know--'
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`What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her promise.
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`Treacle,' said the Dormouse, without considering at all this
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time.
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`I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: `let's all move
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one place on.'
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He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the
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March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather
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unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the
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only one who got any advantage from the change: and Alice was a
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good deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset
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the milk-jug into his plate.
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Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began
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very cautiously: `But I don't understand. Where did they draw
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the treacle from?'
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`You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; `so
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I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh,
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stupid?'
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`But they were IN the well,' Alice said to the Dormouse, not
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choosing to notice this last remark.
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`Of course they were', said the Dormouse; `--well in.'
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This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse
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go on for some time without interrupting it.
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`They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and
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rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; `and they drew
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all manner of things--everything that begins with an M--'
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`Why with an M?' said Alice.
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`Why not?' said the March Hare.
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Alice was silent.
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The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going
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off into a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up
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again with a little shriek, and went on: `--that begins with an
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M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness--
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you know you say things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever
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see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?'
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`Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, `I
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don't think--'
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`Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter.
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This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got
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up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep
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instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her
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going, though she looked back once or twice, half hoping that
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they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were
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trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.
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`At any rate I'll never go THERE again!' said Alice as she
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picked her way through the wood. `It's the stupidest tea-party I
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ever was at in all my life!'
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Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a
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door leading right into it. `That's very curious!' she thought.
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`But everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at
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once.' And in she went.
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Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the
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little glass table. `Now, I'll manage better this time,' she
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said to herself, and began by taking the little golden key, and
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unlocking the door that led into the garden. Then she went to
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work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it in her
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pocked) till she was about a foot high: then she walked down the
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little passage: and THEN--she found herself at last in the
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beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool
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fountains.
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CHAPTER VIII
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The Queen's Croquet-Ground
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A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the
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roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at
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it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious
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|
thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up
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to them she heard one of them say, `Look out now, Five! Don't go
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splashing paint over me like that!'
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`I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; `Seven jogged
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my elbow.'
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On which Seven looked up and said, `That's right, Five! Always
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lay the blame on others!'
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`YOU'D better not talk!' said Five. `I heard the Queen say only
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yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!'
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`What for?' said the one who had spoken first.
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`That's none of YOUR business, Two!' said Seven.
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`Yes, it IS his business!' said Five, `and I'll tell him--it
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was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.'
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Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun `Well, of all
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|
the unjust things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as
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she stood watching them, and he checked himself suddenly: the
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others looked round also, and all of them bowed low.
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`Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, `why you are
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|
painting those roses?'
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Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a
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|
low voice, `Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to
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|
have been a RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake;
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|
and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads
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|
cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore
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|
she comes, to--' At this moment Five, who had been anxiously
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|
looking across the garden, called out `The Queen! The Queen!'
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|
and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon
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their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice
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|
looked round, eager to see the Queen.
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First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped
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|
like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and
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|
feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these were
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|
ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the
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soldiers did. After these came the royal children; there were
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ten of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand
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|
in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented with hearts. Next
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came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice
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|
recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous
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|
manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without
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noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the
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King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this
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|
grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
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Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on
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her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember
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every having heard of such a rule at processions; `and besides,
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what would be the use of a procession,' thought she, `if people
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had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see
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it?' So she stood still where she was, and waited.
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When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped
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and looked at her, and the Queen said severely `Who is this?'
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She said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in
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reply.
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`Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and,
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turning to Alice, she went on, `What's your name, child?'
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`My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very
|
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|
politely; but she added, to herself, `Why, they're only a pack of
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|
cards, after all. I needn't be afraid of them!'
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`And who are THESE?' said the Queen, pointing to the three
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|
gardeners who were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as
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they were lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs
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|
was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether
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|
they were gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her
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|
own children.
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`How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage.
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`It's no business of MINE.'
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The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her
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for a moment like a wild beast, screamed `Off with her head!
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Off--'
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`Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the
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Queen was silent.
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The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said
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`Consider, my dear: she is only a child!'
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The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave
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`Turn them over!'
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The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.
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`Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the
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|
three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the
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|
King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody else.
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|
`Leave off that!' screamed the Queen. `You make me giddy.'
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|
And then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, `What HAVE you
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|
been doing here?'
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|
`May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone,
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|
going down on one knee as he spoke, `we were trying--'
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`I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the
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roses. `Off with their heads!' and the procession moved on,
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|
three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate
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|
gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection.
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`You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a
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|
large flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered
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|
about for a minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly
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|
marched off after the others.
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|
`Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen.
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|
`Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers
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|
shouted in reply.
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`That's right!' shouted the Queen. `Can you play croquet?'
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|
The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question
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|
was evidently meant for her.
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|
`Yes!' shouted Alice.
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|
`Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the
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|
procession, wondering very much what would happen next.
|
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|
`It's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side.
|
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|
She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously
|
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|
into her face.
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|
`Very,' said Alice: `--where's the Duchess?'
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|
`Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He
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|
looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised
|
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|
himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and
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|
|
whispered `She's under sentence of execution.'
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|
`What for?' said Alice.
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|
`Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked.
|
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|
`No, I didn't,' said Alice: `I don't think it's at all a pity.
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|
I said "What for?"'
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|
`She boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a
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|
little scream of laughter. `Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a
|
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frightened tone. `The Queen will hear you! You see, she came
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rather late, and the Queen said--'
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`Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder,
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and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up
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against each other; however, they got settled down in a minute or
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two, and the game began. Alice thought she had never seen such a
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curious croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges and
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furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live
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flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to
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stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.
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The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her
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flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away,
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comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down,
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but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened
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out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it
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WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face, with such a
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puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing:
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and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin again,
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it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled
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itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this,
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there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she
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wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers
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were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the
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ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very
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difficult game indeed.
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The players all played at once without waiting for turns,
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quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in
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a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went
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stamping about, and shouting `Off with his head!' or `Off with
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her head!' about once in a minute.
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Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as
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yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might
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happen any minute, `and then,' thought she, `what would become of
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me? They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great
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wonder is, that there's any one left alive!'
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She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering
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whether she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a
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curious appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at
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first, but, after watching it a minute or two, she made it out to
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be a grin, and she said to herself `It's the Cheshire Cat: now I
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shall have somebody to talk to.'
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`How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was
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mouth enough for it to speak with.
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Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. `It's no
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use speaking to it,' she thought, `till its ears have come, or at
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least one of them.' In another minute the whole head appeared,
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and then Alice put down her flamingo, and began an account of the
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game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her. The
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Cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and
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no more of it appeared.
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`I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather
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a complaining tone, `and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't
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hear oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any rules in
|
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particular; at least, if there are, nobody attends to them--and
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you've no idea how confusing it is all the things being alive;
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for instance, there's the arch I've got to go through next
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walking about at the other end of the ground--and I should have
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croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it
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saw mine coming!'
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`How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice.
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`Not at all,' said Alice: `she's so extremely--' Just then
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she noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so
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she went on, `--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while
|
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finishing the game.'
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The Queen smiled and passed on.
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`Who ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice, and
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looking at the Cat's head with great curiosity.
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`It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: `allow me
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to introduce it.'
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`I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: `however,
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it may kiss my hand if it likes.'
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`I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked.
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`Don't be impertinent,' said the King, `and don't look at me
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like that!' He got behind Alice as he spoke.
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`A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. `I've read that in
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some book, but I don't remember where.'
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`Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and
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|
he called the Queen, who was passing at the moment, `My dear! I
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wish you would have this cat removed!'
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|
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great
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or small. `Off with his head!' she said, without even looking
|
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round.
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`I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and
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he hurried off.
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Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game
|
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|
was going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance,
|
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|
screaming with passion. She had already heard her sentence three
|
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|
of the players to be executed for having missed their turns, and
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|
she did not like the look of things at all, as the game was in
|
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|
such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or
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|
not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
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The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog,
|
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|
which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one
|
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|
|
of them with the other: the only difficulty was, that her
|
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|
flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden, where
|
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|
Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up
|
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|
into a tree.
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|
By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back,
|
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|
the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight:
|
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|
`but it doesn't matter much,' thought Alice, `as all the arches
|
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|
|
are gone from this side of the ground.' So she tucked it away
|
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|
|
under her arm, that it might not escape again, and went back for
|
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|
|
a little more conversation with her friend.
|
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|
When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to
|
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|
|
find quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute
|
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|
|
|
going on between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who
|
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|
|
|
were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent,
|
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|
|
and looked very uncomfortable.
|
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|
The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to
|
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|
settle the question, and they repeated their arguments to her,
|
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|
|
though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed
|
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|
|
to make out exactly what they said.
|
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|
The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a
|
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|
|
head unless there was a body to cut it off from: that he had
|
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|
|
never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin
|
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|
at HIS time of life.
|
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|
The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be
|
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|
|
beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
|
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|
The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about
|
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|
it in less than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round.
|
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|
|
(It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so
|
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|
|
grave and anxious.)
|
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|
Alice could think of nothing else to say but `It belongs to the
|
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|
|
Duchess: you'd better ask HER about it.'
|
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|
`She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: `fetch
|
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|
|
her here.' And the executioner went off like an arrow.
|
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|
The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and,
|
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|
|
by the time he had come back with the Dutchess, it had entirely
|
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|
|
disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and
|
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|
|
down looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.
|
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|
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|
|
CHAPTER IX
|
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|
The Mock Turtle's Story
|
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|
`You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old
|
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|
|
thing!' said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately
|
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|
|
|
into Alice's, and they walked off together.
|
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|
Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and
|
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|
|
thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had
|
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|
|
made her so savage when they met in the kitchen.
|
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|
`When I'M a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very
|
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|
|
hopeful tone though), `I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT
|
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|
ALL. Soup does very well without--Maybe it's always pepper that
|
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|
|
makes people hot-tempered,' she went on, very much pleased at
|
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|
|
|
having found out a new kind of rule, `and vinegar that makes them
|
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|
|
sour--and camomile that makes them bitter--and--and barley-sugar
|
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|
|
and such things that make children sweet-tempered. I only wish
|
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|
|
people knew that: then they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you
|
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|
|
know--'
|
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|
She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a
|
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|
|
|
little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear.
|
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|
`You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you
|
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|
|
forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of that
|
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|
|
is, but I shall remember it in a bit.'
|
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|
`Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark.
|
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|
`Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. `Everything's got a
|
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|
moral, if only you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up
|
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|
|
closer to Alice's side as she spoke.
|
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|
Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first,
|
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|
|
because the Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was
|
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|
|
exactly the right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder,
|
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|
|
and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not
|
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|
|
like to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could.
|
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|
`The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of
|
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|
|
keeping up the conversation a little.
|
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|
`'Tis so,' said the Duchess: `and the moral of that is--"Oh,
|
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|
|
'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!"'
|
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|
`Somebody said,' Alice whispered, `that it's done by everybody
|
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|
|
minding their own business!'
|
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|
`Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess,
|
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|
|
digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added,
|
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|
|
`and the moral of THAT is--"Take care of the sense, and the
|
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|
|
|
sounds will take care of themselves."'
|
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|
`How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to
|
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|
|
herself.
|
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|
`I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your
|
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|
|
waist,' the Duchess said after a pause: `the reason is, that I'm
|
|
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|
|
|
doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the
|
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|
|
experiment?'
|
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|
|
`HE might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all
|
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|
|
anxious to have the experiment tried.
|
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|
|
`Very true,' said the Duchess: `flamingoes and mustard both
|
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|
|
|
bite. And the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock
|
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|
|
together."'
|
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|
`Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.
|
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|
`Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: `what a clear way you
|
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|
|
have of putting things!'
|
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|
|
`It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice.
|
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|
`Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree
|
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|
|
to everything that Alice said; `there's a large mustard-mine near
|
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|
|
here. And the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the
|
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|
|
less there is of yours."'
|
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|
|
`Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this
|
|
|
|
|
|
last remark, `it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it
|
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|
|
is.'
|
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|
|
`I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; `and the moral of
|
|
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|
|
that is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put
|
|
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|
|
|
more simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than
|
|
|
|
|
|
what it might appear to others that what you were or might have
|
|
|
|
|
|
been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared
|
|
|
|
|
|
to them to be otherwise."'
|
|
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|
|
`I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very
|
|
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|
|
politely, `if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it
|
|
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|
|
as you say it.'
|
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|
|
`That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess
|
|
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|
|
replied, in a pleased tone.
|
|
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|
|
`Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,'
|
|
|
|
|
|
said Alice.
|
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|
|
`Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. `I make you
|
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|
|
|
a present of everything I've said as yet.'
|
|
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|
|
`A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. `I'm glad they don't
|
|
|
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|
|
give birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to
|
|
|
|
|
|
say it out loud.
|
|
|
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|
|
`Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her
|
|
|
|
|
|
sharp little chin.
|
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`I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was
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beginning to feel a little worried.
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`Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, `as pigs have to
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fly; and the m--'
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But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died
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away, even in the middle of her favourite word `moral,' and the
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arm that was linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up,
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and there stood the Queen in front of them, with her arms folded,
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frowning like a thunderstorm.
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`A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak
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voice.
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`Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on
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the ground as she spoke; `either you or your head must be off,
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and that in about half no time! Take your choice!'
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The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.
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`Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice
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was too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her
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back to the croquet-ground.
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The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence,
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and were resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her,
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they hurried back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a
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moment's delay would cost them their lives.
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All the time they were playing the Queen never left off
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quarrelling with the other players, and shouting `Off with his
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head!' or `Off with her head!' Those whom she sentenced were
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taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to leave
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off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour
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or so there were no arches left, and all the players, except the
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King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of
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execution.
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Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to
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Alice, `Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?'
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`No,' said Alice. `I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.'
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`It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen.
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`I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice.
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`Come on, then,' said the Queen, `and he shall tell you his
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history,'
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As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low
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voice, to the company generally, `You are all pardoned.' `Come,
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THAT'S a good thing!' she said to herself, for she had felt quite
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unhappy at the number of executions the Queen had ordered.
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They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the
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sun. (IF you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.)
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`Up, lazy thing!' said the Queen, `and take this young lady to
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see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and
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see after some executions I have ordered'; and she walked off,
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leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like
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the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought it would
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be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage
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Queen: so she waited.
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The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the
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Queen till she was out of sight: then it chuckled. `What fun!'
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said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice.
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`What IS the fun?' said Alice.
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`Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon. `It's all her fancy, that: they
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never executes nobody, you know. Come on!'
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`Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went
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slowly after it: `I never was so ordered about in all my life,
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never!'
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They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the
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distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and,
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as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart
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would break. She pitied him deeply. `What is his sorrow?' she
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asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the
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same words as before, `It's all his fancy, that: he hasn't got
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no sorrow, you know. Come on!'
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So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with
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large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.
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`This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, `she wants for to
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know your history, she do.'
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`I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow
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tone: `sit down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've
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finished.'
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So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice
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thought to herself, `I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he
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doesn't begin.' But she waited patiently.
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`Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, `I was
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a real Turtle.'
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These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only
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by an occasional exclamation of `Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and
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the constant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very
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nearly getting up and saying, `Thank you, sir, for your
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interesting story,' but she could not help thinking there MUST be
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more to come, so she sat still and said nothing.
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`When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more
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calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, `we went to
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school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call
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|
him Tortoise--'
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`Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.
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`We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock
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Turtle angrily: `really you are very dull!'
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`You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple
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|
question,' added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and
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|
looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At
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last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, `Drive on, old fellow!
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Don't be all day about it!' and he went on in these words:
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`Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe
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it--'
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`I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice.
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`You did,' said the Mock Turtle.
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`Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak
|
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|
again. The Mock Turtle went on.
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|
`We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school
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|
every day--'
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|
`I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; `you needn't be
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|
so proud as all that.'
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|
`With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
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`Yes,' said Alice, `we learned French and music.'
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`And washing?' said the Mock Turtle.
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`Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly.
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|
`Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock
|
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|
|
Turtle in a tone of great relief. `Now at OURS they had at the
|
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|
|
end of the bill, "French, music, AND WASHING--extra."'
|
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|
`You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; `living at the
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|
|
bottom of the sea.'
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|
`I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a
|
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|
|
sigh. `I only took the regular course.'
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|
`What was that?' inquired Alice.
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|
`Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock
|
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|
|
Turtle replied; `and then the different branches of Arithmetic--
|
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|
|
Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.'
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|
`I never heard of "Uglification,"' Alice ventured to say. `What
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|
is it?'
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|
The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. `What! Never
|
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|
heard of uglifying!' it exclaimed. `You know what to beautify
|
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|
|
is, I suppose?'
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|
`Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: `it means--to--make--anything--
|
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|
prettier.'
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|
`Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, `if you don't know what to
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|
uglify is, you ARE a simpleton.'
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|
Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about
|
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|
|
it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said `What else had you
|
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|
|
to learn?'
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|
`Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting
|
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|
|
off the subjects on his flappers, `--Mystery, ancient and modern,
|
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|
|
with Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old
|
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|
|
conger-eel, that used to come once a week: HE taught us
|
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|
|
Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.'
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|
`What was THAT like?' said Alice.
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|
`Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: `I'm
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|
|
too stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.'
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|
`Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon: `I went to the Classics
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|
master, though. He was an old crab, HE was.'
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`I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: `he
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|
taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.'
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|
`So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn;
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|
and both creatures hid their faces in their paws.
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|
`And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in a
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|
hurry to change the subject.
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|
`Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: `nine the
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|
next, and so on.'
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|
`What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice.
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`That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon
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|
remarked: `because they lessen from day to day.'
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|
This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a
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|
little before she made her next remark. `Then the eleventh day
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|
|
must have been a holiday?'
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`Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle.
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`And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly.
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|
`That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a
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|
very decided tone: `tell her something about the games now.'
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|
CHAPTER X
|
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|
The Lobster Quadrille
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|
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper
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|
across his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for
|
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|
|
a minute or two sobs choked his voice. `Same as if he had a bone
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|
|
in his throat,' said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him
|
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|
|
and punching him in the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered
|
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|
|
his voice, and, with tears running down his cheeks, he went on
|
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|
again:--
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|
`You may not have lived much under the sea--' (`I haven't,'
|
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|
|
said Alice)--`and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster--'
|
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|
(Alice began to say `I once tasted--' but checked herself hastily,
|
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|
and said `No, never') `--so you can have no idea what a delightful
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|
|
thing a Lobster Quadrille is!'
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|
`No, indeed,' said Alice. `What sort of a dance is it?'
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|
`Why,' said the Gryphon, `you first form into a line along the
|
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|
sea-shore--'
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|
`Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. `Seals, turtles, salmon,
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|
|
and so on; then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of
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|
the way--'
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|
`THAT generally takes some time,' interrupted the Gryphon.
|
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|
`--you advance twice--'
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|
`Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon.
|
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|
`Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: `advance twice, set to
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|
partners--'
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|
`--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the
|
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|
Gryphon.
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|
`Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, `you throw the--'
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|
`The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air.
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|
`--as far out to sea as you can--'
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|
`Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon.
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|
`Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle,
|
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|
|
capering wildly about.
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|
`Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said the
|
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|
|
Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures,
|
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|
|
who had been jumping about like mad things all this time, sat
|
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|
|
down again very sadly and quietly, and looked at Alice.
|
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|
`It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly.
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`Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock Turtle.
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`Very much indeed,' said Alice.
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`Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to the
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Gryphon. `We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall
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sing?'
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`Oh, YOU sing,' said the Gryphon. `I've forgotten the words.'
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So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now
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and then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and
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waving their forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle
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sang this, very slowly and sadly:--
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`"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail.
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"There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my
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tail.
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See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
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They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the
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dance?
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Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the
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dance?
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Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the
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dance?
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"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
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When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to
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sea!"
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But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look
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askance--
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Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the
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dance.
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Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join
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the dance.
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Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join
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the dance.
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`"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.
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"There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
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The further off from England the nearer is to France--
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Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
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Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the
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dance?
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Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the
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dance?"'
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`Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said
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Alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last: `and I do so
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like that curious song about the whiting!'
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`Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, `they--you've
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seen them, of course?'
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`Yes,' said Alice, `I've often seen them at dinn--' she
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checked herself hastily.
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`I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, `but
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if you've seen them so often, of course you know what they're
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like.'
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`I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully. `They have their
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tails in their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.'
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`You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle:
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`crumbs would all wash off in the sea. But they HAVE their tails
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in their mouths; and the reason is--' here the Mock Turtle
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yawned and shut his eyes.--`Tell her about the reason and all
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that,' he said to the Gryphon.
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`The reason is,' said the Gryphon, `that they WOULD go with
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the lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So
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they had to fall a long way. So they got their tails fast in
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their mouths. So they couldn't get them out again. That's all.'
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`Thank you,' said Alice, `it's very interesting. I never knew
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so much about a whiting before.'
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`I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the
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Gryphon. `Do you know why it's called a whiting?'
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`I never thought about it,' said Alice. `Why?'
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`IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES.' the Gryphon replied very
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solemnly.
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Alice was thoroughly puzzled. `Does the boots and shoes!' she
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repeated in a wondering tone.
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`Why, what are YOUR shoes done with?' said the Gryphon. `I
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mean, what makes them so shiny?'
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Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she
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gave her answer. `They're done with blacking, I believe.'
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`Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep
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voice, `are done with a whiting. Now you know.'
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`And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great
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curiosity.
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`Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather
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impatiently: `any shrimp could have told you that.'
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`If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were
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still running on the song, `I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep
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back, please: we don't want YOU with us!"'
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`They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle
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said: `no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.'
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`Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great surprise.
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`Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: `why, if a fish came
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to ME, and told me he was going a journey, I should say "With
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what porpoise?"'
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`Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice.
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`I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended
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tone. And the Gryphon added `Come, let's hear some of YOUR
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|
adventures.'
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`I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,'
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said Alice a little timidly: `but it's no use going back to
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yesterday, because I was a different person then.'
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`Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle.
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`No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an
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impatient tone: `explanations take such a dreadful time.'
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So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when
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she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about
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it just at first, the two creatures got so close to her, one on
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each side, and opened their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she
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gained courage as she went on. Her listeners were perfectly
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quiet till she got to the part about her repeating `YOU ARE OLD,
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|
FATHER WILLIAM,' to the Caterpillar, and the words all coming
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different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and said
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`That's very curious.'
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`It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the Gryphon.
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`It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated
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thoughtfully. `I should like to hear her try and repeat
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something now. Tell her to begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as
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if he thought it had some kind of authority over Alice.
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`Stand up and repeat "'TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD,"' said
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the Gryphon.
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`How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat
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lessons!' thought Alice; `I might as well be at school at once.'
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However, she got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so
|
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|
full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was
|
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|
saying, and the words came very queer indeed:--
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`'Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
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"You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."
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As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
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|
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.'
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|
[later editions continued as follows
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|
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
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|
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,
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|
But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
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|
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]
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`That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,'
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said the Gryphon.
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`Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; `but it
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|
sounds uncommon nonsense.'
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Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her
|
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|
hands, wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way
|
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again.
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`I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock Turtle.
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`She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. `Go on with
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the next verse.'
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`But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. `How COULD
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he turn them out with his nose, you know?'
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`It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was
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|
dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the
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subject.
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`Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently:
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`it begins "I passed by his garden."'
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Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would
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all come wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:--
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`I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,
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|
How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--'
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|
[later editions continued as follows
|
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|
The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
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|
While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
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|
When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
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|
Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
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|
While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
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And concluded the banquet--]
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`What IS the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle
|
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|
interrupted, `if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far
|
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the most confusing thing I ever heard!'
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`Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon: and
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Alice was only too glad to do so.
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|
`Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the
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Gryphon went on. `Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you
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|
a song?'
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`Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,'
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Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather
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offended tone, `Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her "Turtle
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|
Soup," will you, old fellow?'
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|
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes
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choked with sobs, to sing this:--
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|
`Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
|
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|
Waiting in a hot tureen!
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|
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
|
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|
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
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|
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
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|
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
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|
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
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|
Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
|
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|
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
|
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|
`Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
|
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|
Game, or any other dish?
|
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|
Who would not give all else for two p
|
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|
ennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
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|
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
|
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|
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
|
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|
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
|
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|
Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
|
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|
Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!'
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|
`Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had
|
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|
just begun to repeat it, when a cry of `The trial's beginning!'
|
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|
was heard in the distance.
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`Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand,
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|
it hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song.
|
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|
`What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon
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|
only answered `Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more
|
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|
faintly came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the
|
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|
|
melancholy words:--
|
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|
`Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
|
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|
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!'
|
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|
CHAPTER XI
|
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|
Who Stole the Tarts?
|
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|
The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when
|
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|
they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts
|
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|
|
of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards:
|
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|
|
the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on
|
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|
each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit,
|
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|
|
with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the
|
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|
|
other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large
|
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|
dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made Alice
|
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|
|
quite hungry to look at them--`I wish they'd get the trial done,'
|
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she thought, `and hand round the refreshments!' But there seemed
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to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about
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her, to pass away the time.
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Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had
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read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that
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she knew the name of nearly everything there. `That's the
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judge,' she said to herself, `because of his great wig.'
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The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown
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over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he
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did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly
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not becoming.
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`And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, `and those twelve
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creatures,' (she was obliged to say `creatures,' you see, because
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some of them were animals, and some were birds,) `I suppose they
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are the jurors.' She said this last word two or three times over
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to herself, being rather proud of it: for she thought, and
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rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the
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meaning of it at all. However, `jury-men' would have done just
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as well.
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The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates.
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`What are they doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. `They
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can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun.'
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`They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in
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reply, `for fear they should forget them before the end of the
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trial.'
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`Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but
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she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, `Silence in
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the court!' and the King put on his spectacles and looked
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anxiously round, to make out who was talking.
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Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their
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shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down `stupid things!'
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on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them
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didn't know how to spell `stupid,' and that he had to ask his
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neighbour to tell him. `A nice muddle their slates'll be in
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before the trial's over!' thought Alice.
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One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course,
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Alice could not stand, and she went round the court and got
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behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it
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away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was
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Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of
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it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write
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with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very
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little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
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`Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.
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On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and
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then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--
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`The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
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All on a summer day:
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The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
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And took them quite away!'
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`Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.
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`Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. `There's
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a great deal to come before that!'
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`Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit
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blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, `First
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witness!'
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The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in
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one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. `I beg
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pardon, your Majesty,' he began, `for bringing these in: but I
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hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.'
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`You ought to have finished,' said the King. `When did you
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begin?'
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The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into
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the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. `Fourteenth of March, I
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think it was,' he said.
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`Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.
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`Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.
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`Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury
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eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then
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added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
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`Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter.
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`It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.
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`Stolen!' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who
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instantly made a memorandum of the fact.
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`I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation;
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`I've none of my own. I'm a hatter.'
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Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the
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Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.
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`Give your evidence,' said the King; `and don't be nervous, or
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I'll have you executed on the spot.'
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This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept
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shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the
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Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his
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teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.
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Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which
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puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was
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beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she
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would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she
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decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for
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her.
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`I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was
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sitting next to her. `I can hardly breathe.'
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`I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly: `I'm growing.'
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`You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse.
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`Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: `you know
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you're growing too.'
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`Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said the Dormouse:
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|
`not in that ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very sulkily
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|
and crossed over to the other side of the court.
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All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the
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Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to
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|
one of the officers of the court, `Bring me the list of the
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|
|
singers in the last concert!' on which the wretched Hatter
|
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|
trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.
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`Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, `or I'll have
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|
you executed, whether you're nervous or not.'
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`I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a
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|
trembling voice, `--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week
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|
or so--and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin--and
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|
the twinkling of the tea--'
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`The twinkling of the what?' said the King.
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`It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied.
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`Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the King sharply.
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`Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!'
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`I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, `and most things
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|
twinkled after that--only the March Hare said--'
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`I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
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`You did!' said the Hatter.
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`I deny it!' said the March Hare.
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`He denies it,' said the King: `leave out that part.'
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`Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on,
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|
looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the
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Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep.
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`After that,' continued the Hatter, `I cut some more bread-
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|
and-butter--'
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`But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.
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`That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.
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`You MUST remember,' remarked the King, `or I'll have you
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|
executed.'
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|
The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter,
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|
and went down on one knee. `I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he
|
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|
began.
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`You're a very poor speaker,' said the King.
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|
Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately
|
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|
suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a
|
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|
|
hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had
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|
a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings:
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into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat
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upon it.)
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|
`I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. `I've so often
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|
read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some
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|
attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the
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|
officers of the court," and I never understood what it meant
|
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|
till now.'
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`If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,'
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continued the King.
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`I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: `I'm on the floor, as
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it is.'
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`Then you may SIT down,' the King replied.
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Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
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`Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice. `Now we
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shall get on better.'
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`I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious
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|
look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
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`You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the
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court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.
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`--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one
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of the officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the
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officer could get to the door.
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`Call the next witness!' said the King.
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The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the
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|
pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before
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she got into the court, by the way the people near the door began
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sneezing all at once.
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`Give your evidence,' said the King.
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`Shan't,' said the cook.
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The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a
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|
low voice, `Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.'
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`Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy
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|
air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till
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|
his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, `What
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|
are tarts made of?'
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`Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.
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`Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.
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`Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. `Behead that
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|
Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch
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|
him! Off with his whiskers!'
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|
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the
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|
Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down
|
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again, the cook had disappeared.
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`Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief.
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`Call the next witness.' And he added in an undertone to the
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|
Queen, `Really, my dear, YOU must cross-examine the next witness.
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|
It quite makes my forehead ache!'
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|
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list,
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|
feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like,
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|
`--for they haven't got much evidence YET,' she said to herself.
|
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|
Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top
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|
of his shrill little voice, the name `Alice!'
|
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|
CHAPTER XII
|
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|
|
Alice's Evidence
|
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|
`Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the
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|
moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she
|
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|
jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with
|
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|
|
the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads
|
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|
|
of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawling about, reminding
|
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|
|
her very much of a globe of goldfish she had accidentally upset
|
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|
the week before.
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|
`Oh, I BEG your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of great
|
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|
|
dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly as she could,
|
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|
for the accident of the goldfish kept running in her head, and
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|
she had a vague sort of idea that they must be collected at once
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|
and put back into the jury-box, or they would die.
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`The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave
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voice, `until all the jurymen are back in their proper places--
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ALL,' he repeated with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as
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he said do.
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Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she
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had put the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing
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was waving its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable
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to move. She soon got it out again, and put it right; `not that
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it signifies much,' she said to herself; `I should think it
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would be QUITE as much use in the trial one way up as the other.'
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As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of
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being upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and
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handed back to them, they set to work very diligently to write
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out a history of the accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed
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too much overcome to do anything but sit with its mouth open,
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gazing up into the roof of the court.
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`What do you know about this business?' the King said to
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Alice.
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`Nothing,' said Alice.
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`Nothing WHATEVER?' persisted the King.
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`Nothing whatever,' said Alice.
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`That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury.
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They were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when
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the White Rabbit interrupted: `UNimportant, your Majesty means,
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of course,' he said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and
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making faces at him as he spoke.
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`UNimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and
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went on to himself in an undertone, `important--unimportant--
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unimportant--important--' as if he were trying which word
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sounded best.
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Some of the jury wrote it down `important,' and some
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`unimportant.' Alice could see this, as she was near enough to
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look over their slates; `but it doesn't matter a bit,' she
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thought to herself.
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At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily
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writing in his note-book, cackled out `Silence!' and read out
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from his book, `Rule Forty-two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE
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HIGH TO LEAVE THE COURT.'
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Everybody looked at Alice.
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`I'M not a mile high,' said Alice.
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`You are,' said the King.
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`Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen.
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`Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice: `besides,
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that's not a regular rule: you invented it just now.'
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`It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King.
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`Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice.
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The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily.
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`Consider your verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling
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voice.
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`There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said
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the White Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; `this paper has
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just been picked up.'
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`What's in it?' said the Queen.
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`I haven't opened it yet,' said the White Rabbit, `but it seems
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to be a letter, written by the prisoner to--to somebody.'
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`It must have been that,' said the King, `unless it was
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written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know.'
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`Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen.
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`It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit; `in fact,
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there's nothing written on the OUTSIDE.' He unfolded the paper
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as he spoke, and added `It isn't a letter, after all: it's a set
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of verses.'
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`Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of
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they jurymen.
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`No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, `and that's the
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queerest thing about it.' (The jury all looked puzzled.)
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`He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King.
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(The jury all brightened up again.)
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`Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, `I didn't write it, and
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they can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.'
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`If you didn't sign it,' said the King, `that only makes the
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matter worse. You MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd
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have signed your name like an honest man.'
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There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the
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first really clever thing the King had said that day.
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`That PROVES his guilt,' said the Queen.
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`It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice. `Why, you don't
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even know what they're about!'
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`Read them,' said the King.
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The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. `Where shall I begin,
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please your Majesty?' he asked.
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`Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, `and go on
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till you come to the end: then stop.'
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These were the verses the White Rabbit read:--
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`They told me you had been to her,
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And mentioned me to him:
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She gave me a good character,
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But said I could not swim.
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He sent them word I had not gone
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(We know it to be true):
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If she should push the matter on,
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What would become of you?
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I gave her one, they gave him two,
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You gave us three or more;
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They all returned from him to you,
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Though they were mine before.
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If I or she should chance to be
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Involved in this affair,
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He trusts to you to set them free,
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Exactly as we were.
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My notion was that you had been
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(Before she had this fit)
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An obstacle that came between
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Him, and ourselves, and it.
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Don't let him know she liked them best,
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For this must ever be
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A secret, kept from all the rest,
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Between yourself and me.'
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`That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,'
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said the King, rubbing his hands; `so now let the jury--'
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`If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice, (she had
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grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit
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afraid of interrupting him,) `I'll give him sixpence. _I_ don't
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believe there's an atom of meaning in it.'
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The jury all wrote down on their slates, `SHE doesn't believe
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there's an atom of meaning in it,' but none of them attempted to
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explain the paper.
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`If there's no meaning in it,' said the King, `that saves a
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world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And
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yet I don't know,' he went on, spreading out the verses on his
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knee, and looking at them with one eye; `I seem to see some
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meaning in them, after all. "--SAID I COULD NOT SWIM--" you
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can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the Knave.
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The Knave shook his head sadly. `Do I look like it?' he said.
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(Which he certainly did NOT, being made entirely of cardboard.)
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`All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on muttering
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over the verses to himself: `"WE KNOW IT TO BE TRUE--" that's
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the jury, of course-- "I GAVE HER ONE, THEY GAVE HIM TWO--" why,
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that must be what he did with the tarts, you know--'
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`But, it goes on "THEY ALL RETURNED FROM HIM TO YOU,"' said
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Alice.
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`Why, there they are!' said the King triumphantly, pointing to
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the tarts on the table. `Nothing can be clearer than THAT.
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Then again--"BEFORE SHE HAD THIS FIT--" you never had fits, my
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dear, I think?' he said to the Queen.
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`Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the
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Lizard as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off
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writing on his slate with one finger, as he found it made no
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mark; but he now hastily began again, using the ink, that was
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trickling down his face, as long as it lasted.)
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`Then the words don't FIT you,' said the King, looking round
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the court with a smile. There was a dead silence.
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`It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and
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everybody laughed, `Let the jury consider their verdict,' the
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King said, for about the twentieth time that day.
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`No, no!' said the Queen. `Sentence first--verdict afterwards.'
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`Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. `The idea of having
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the sentence first!'
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`Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple.
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`I won't!' said Alice.
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`Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her voice.
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Nobody moved.
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`Who cares for you?' said Alice, (she had grown to her full
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size by this time.) `You're nothing but a pack of cards!'
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At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying
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down upon her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half
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of anger, and tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on
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the bank, with her head in the lap of her sister, who was gently
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brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down from the
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trees upon her face.
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`Wake up, Alice dear!' said her sister; `Why, what a long
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sleep you've had!'
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`Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice, and she told
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her sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange
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|
Adventures of hers that you have just been reading about; and
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when she had finished, her sister kissed her, and said, `It WAS a
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curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's
|
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getting late.' So Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she
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ran, as well she might, what a wonderful dream it had been.
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But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her
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head on her hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of
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little Alice and all her wonderful Adventures, till she too began
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dreaming after a fashion, and this was her dream:--
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First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the
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tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes
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were looking up into hers--she could hear the very tones of her
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|
voice, and see that queer little toss of her head to keep back
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the wandering hair that WOULD always get into her eyes--and
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still as she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole place
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around her became alive the strange creatures of her little
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sister's dream.
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The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried
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by--the frightened Mouse splashed his way through the
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neighbouring pool--she could hear the rattle of the teacups as
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the March Hare and his friends shared their never-ending meal,
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and the shrill voice of the Queen ordering off her unfortunate
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|
guests to execution--once more the pig-baby was sneezing on the
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|
Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes crashed around it--once
|
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more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard's
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|
|
slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs,
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|
|
filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable
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|
Mock Turtle.
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So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in
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Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and
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all would change to dull reality--the grass would be only
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|
rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the
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reeds--the rattling teacups would change to tinkling sheep-
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|
bells, and the Queen's shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd
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|
boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the Gryphon, and
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|
all thy other queer noises, would change (she knew) to the
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|
confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the lowing of the
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|
cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's
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heavy sobs.
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|
Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of
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|
hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how
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|
she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and
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|
|
loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about
|
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|
her other little children, and make THEIR eyes bright and eager
|
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|
|
with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of
|
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|
|
Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with all their
|
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|
|
simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys,
|
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|
|
remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.
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|
THE END
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